Today we take two of your questions, the first one is a voicemail hotline question from Matt who wants to know how to talk about his current separation and trying to get a plan together with this estranged wife. The second question came through our website and this wife wants to know how to deal with a spouse who has a serious mental disorder like Bipolar with sociopathic tendencies.

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Voicemail Question:

Hi Michael, I completed the hero's guide to winning back your wife and that you wrote Gathering that you did back in September. My wife is wiped out wounded and is indicated that I can repair the damage. I've caused by moving out. So that's what I did. I moved out two weeks ago. However, my wife's counselor who facilitated the conversation about me moving out didn't put a time limit on the separation. My wife has said that she sees it being three to six months in length. And I want to honor her boundary. So my question is while three to six months is a long ways off. When and how would you advise really approaching my wife about things like doing an intensive moving back in and in general the status of the relationship. Thanks so much.

Matt was a part of my digital coaching, which has been so amazing!

First and foremost you want to rely on the Holy Spirit about timing. Prayer must be a big part of it and specifically asking him when to approach her about timeline.

Since 3-6 months was brought up, I’d wait 30 days before approaching the subject. But then again, I’m a huge avoider. However, the conversation or question needs to be something like, “About a month ago we agreed to separate, and I totally get why it is needed. I might be wrong, but it doesn’t feel like we came up with a specific plan and length of time. Would you be open to meeting again with the counselor to try and discuss a more specific timeline and what I need to be doing during our time apart?”

A written question from a listener:

Thank you for your "REAL" & transparent way that you bring God's design for marriage to us! Question: dealing with serious mental disorders in marriage such as bipolar (sociopathic tendencies) & how to love them through it. Thanks again! Love, love, love the show!

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement! Dealing with serious mental disorders like Bipolar (sociopathic tendencies) and how to love them through it.  Research has started to show that people with low grade personality disorders do respond positively over time through unconditional love.

First things first, are you and the kids safe?

What is God calling you to do?

God has to be your power source.

A personal third party, preferably a licensed professional to help deal with the chaos and establishing healthy boundaries.